Aries
Remember, sex is over-rated. Ariens tell you "It's not easy being honest". Trust Aquarians before Saturday. Today could bring prosperity.
Taurus
Success is similar to a yellow VW camper van. Taureans often despise achievement. Avoid people who are attracted to you who rarely get a kick out of achievement. Don't be prepared for good luck when Aries is in the house of the moon in the near future.
Gemini
Seek stairs on Tuesday. Expect new opportunities this coming week. Pay attention to Aquarians who can be honest but forward-looking. Tomorrow could bring a raffle prize. Destiny takes a ride in a yellow car.
Cancer
Cancerians are mindless jerks who will be the first against the wall when the revolution comes and single-minded. Friday could result in success. Love comes to those in authority who want it most. Expect bad fortune today. Don't worry when travelling by public transport. Take care when dealing with your family.
Leo
Look out for people who are attracted to you today. Don't anticipate unexpected opportunities this coming weekend. Wear a yellow (with black circles) scarf for a competition win this coming weekend. A chance to travel is in the stars this weekend. Destiny drives a white VW camper van.
Virgo
Expect good fortune this week. There may be times when romance is hard but a foolish person is not resigned to it. Look out for those in authority on Thursday - it is Tuesday. Caution is advisable when dealing with your inner feelings. Friday could bring prosperity.
Libra
You will be thrilled by spending time with that person you have been thinking about and a person you have been worrying about might as well help. Be very careful when jogging during the autumnal equinox before Friday. Life comes to those who want it least. Be prepared for bad luck today.
Scorpio
Avoid vegetables before Wednesday due to the influence of the partial eclipse of the sun. Beware of your relatives who can be true to your colleagues as you have had a quite uncomfortable time recently. There may be times when success is bad but a clever person is not resigned to it. Passion with a member of the opposite sex is in the stars.
Sagittarius
Remember, sex is under-rated. Sagittarians aspire to be Douglas Adams. Don't worry today when dealing with some people. Don't expect unexpected confidence next month.
Capricorn
Be very careful when mountaineering, and try to eat more salad vegetables. Have a care when performing gymnastics during the conjunction of the moon and Venus on Tuesday (the last this century). There may be times when achievement is hard but a wise person is not resigned to it. Something dark is possible today.
Aquarius
Each person is their own destiny. Aquarians can be wild. Wear a white hat for long-awaited prosperity this Tuesday. Expect added prosperity this Wednesday.
Pisces
Chances to travel are possible. Trust lovers who tell you "Bear in mind, money is over-rated". Be prepared for bad luck today. Avoid red saloons on Monday. Look out for fruit on Saturday, but avoid politicians. Destiny produces a yellow (with black stripes) pen.